"I just hate to see all this beauty go the way of the buffalo," said Reginald Phillips. "I remember WWII and the P-51s lined up on the airport tarmac like aluminum chickens. I just can't imagine
Hawthorne without this place."Like many residents of the fabled City By The Freeway, Phillips -- known as Carlo "Chatty Carlo"
Falcone before entering the Hawthorne Witness Protection Program in 1961 -- is profoundly upset over Wednesday's announcement that old Hawthorne Airport will be scraped off the face of the
Earth to make way for a massive new regional commercial jet port.
"I wouldn't mind if they were just taking airport land," Phillips said over smoke from a large
Havana, "but these guys are taking my home, too!"
In truth, the new plan just announced by the Hawthorne Come-Fly-With-Me Airport Fun
Association, will take Phillips' two-bedroom home and nearly 1,500 other nearby dwellings as part of a multibillion dollar plan to replace the chronically underused facility with what developers call, "a
second LAX, only lots, lots bigger and with no stupid noise restrictions."
"Them guys, they just got wise to this voting thing and made an end run," said a high-ranking
Hawthorne official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, referring to a plan that learned much from a failed 2001 attempt by Paladin Partners LLC to turn the historic landing strip into a giant strip mall.
But even with only a fifth of registered voters bothering to come out in November of that year, Measure A was soundly defeated with 72 percent voting against it.
This time a consortium of Arab businessmen, along with the Plumbing and Concrete Union of New Jersey and actor Lou Diamond Phillips, bypassed both voters and a clueless city government that
apparently remained unaware of the project until heavy equipment began eating away at the site early this morning.
Said Airport Fun Association spokesman Leonardo DiPerna, "Every two, three months some whack
job heading for LAX tries to land a 747 on this runway and somebody has to wave him off with a flashlight. This place is an accident waiting to happen so why not enlarge it and supply the
community with some fast-food jobs in the process?"
DiPerna's heavily funded bosses managed to take control of the sprawling airport facility by
employing a little known city law that allows developers to bypass the usual pesky rules and referendums with the help of a small but influential cabal that meets the second Wednesday of each
month in the playroom at a local hamburger restaurant.
There the laughter of happy Hawthorne children supplies a bug-proof venue for these power brokers
who last December invoked City of Hawthorne Overlay District Statute (HD100 and 103), Sec. 17.48 and 17.49 of the municipal code with HD-54 zoning designations containing parcels RS-2-HD
to RS-6-HD-6 and the necessary You-Don't-Touch-My-Wife Ordinance, 226.993.5.
"How obvious!" said Phillips about the little-known law that clearly states, "anybody from a foreign
country or another state who has money must be smarter than us so why not let them do any darn thing they please?"
So the cabal, whose individual names I can't divulge because they threatened to "beat you (meaning me) good," granted development rights to the planned airport's developers.
Letters sent to affected residents today, April 1, stated: "GET OFF OUR LAND STIFFS! We're building an airport with souvenir shop, fast-food, indifferent service, heavy traffic, jets and big
buildings named after dead guys so you better vacate if you know what's good for you! Enclosed find a check for $5,000 to cover the price of your pathetic little house and/or business. You got two weeks!"
The move was applauded by Wal-Mart, which is attempting a similar end-run around local officials in nearby Inglewood by going directly to voters who, they hope, will happily trade local zoning
control for a chance to buy bedroom slippers for 15 percent less.
"April Fool's Day or not," remarked the soon-to-be-homeless Phillips, "It just don't seem right."